I found myself saying that I couldn’t wait for my son to grow up and last night I asked him to forgive me. As I held him in my arms and fed him his milk, I didn’t want to imagine the day he would be okay on his own. This little human shines a beautiful, bright light during the darkest of nights and I want to have that forever. I pray to somehow have that forever, even when he’s okay on his own. I truly am grateful to be a mom. I stepped into motherhood unprepared yet God handed me a gem. I feel undeserving of such a child but here I am, writing in deep gratitude for the one I’ve got.
I love you Renzo. You make me proud and you’re only 8 months old. I can’t wait to see everything you achieve in this life but I will pause right here, while I can and enjoy you as my little baby…
Being a mom is beautiful.
Whatever your day looks like, hope it’s a great one. xo
Today I knew I wanted to acknowledge the beauty of life. It is a gift. I look at my sleeping son and I can’t help but feel incredibly fortunate. No matter what goes on in my life, I have this amazing little human being that makes life worth living. When he smiles, my heart leaps. The beauty of life takes its form in my son. Maybe you can’t relate to that but you have your own reasons. Embrace them and don’t ever let anyone or anything keep you from feeling absolutely blessed.
Today marks two weeks since my grandmother’s passing. Needless to say, it’s been a shitty time for my family and I. She was the glue that kept my family together so losing her was a complete life change for all of us. Positive energy has been far from me and today I just said “Fuck it” (though my grandmother wouldn’t approve) and opened my laptop to write.
I feel better already because writing truly is a form of therapy. If you find yourself stuck in your head and you feel so overwhelmed, please write. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. It doesn’t matter if it even makes sense. Just let out all the shit that is hurting you and affecting your quality of life.
I miss my grandma dearly. I know she would want nothing more than for me to be happy but lately it has been difficult. And it’s so easy to lose yourself in the wrong things/people when you don’t feel happy. So here I am trying to keep my head above the water.
As winter turns to spring and spring into summer, they show us that nothing lasts. The bitter cold will eventually be the scorching heat and so it goes with life. I know this season will not be forever. The memory of my beautiful grandmother will stay alive with me and my son but this gray cloud will pass. Happiness will be found. It has to be found.
The night before my grandmother’s burial I wrote her a letter because I felt there was so much I needed to say to her that I didn’t get the chance to. I hope she had the opportunity to read it and I hope she knows that I love her so very much.
R.I.P Ruth Maria Alago
Forever in my heart.
There are certain things in life that we just can’t control. Yes, human beings are actually pretty powerful but we aren’t THAT powerful. I’m not speaking of manifesting greatness with your mind or topics of that nature. I’m referring to the moments in life that are just plain shitty- however that may look for you.
If you had the ability to change those parts of life you would have but…. you could not. It was just out of your control.
Often times I find myself trying to contain everything in my life but it’s really hard to be happy when you don’t know how to let shit go.
It is what it is
Life goes on.
Surrender to what is.
Everything happens for a reason.
All those made up mantras and I still struggle to just live in the present and take each day as it comes.
It’s okay to not have control over everything. Make peace with yourself and all those experiences. All the good things in life that are meant for us will never pass us by.
Today is a special day.
Happy Anniversary to my grandparents… 53 years down and forever more to go.
I am thankful for them and so proud to be their granddaughter. Whatever these next few months may hold, of two things I’m sure: they love God and God loves them.
“No one is you and that is your power.”
A simple yet powerful reminder. Happy Saturday!
Today I am thankful for Renzo’s smile.
I naturally go on and on about him.
How blessed I am to call that beautiful child mine.