Cotton candy skies 

I don’t think the world is evil but I believe the people around the entire world need help and guidance. I have seen many vibrant colors in an evening sky. I have also seen death because of hatred. 

I can go outside and feel the purity of nature but I can also step outside and greet darkness. 

I feel so blessed to live on Earth 

And yet damned by the swiftness of time. 

How can I feel these thoughts all at once? I am happy and yet sadness quietly lingers. The world brings so much color and yet so much tragedy. 

Some won’t understand it. Closed in their minds of culture and religion. 

But the world- the universe is a gift.

 The seas and the sand, the thunder, the cotton candy skies, the trees, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the raindrops on my window, the bright stars at night, the flow of the seasons… it’s all so very beautiful to me. 

Life on earth and the ways of humanity are what trouble me. I don’t think the world is evil but I believe the people around the entire world need help and guidance. 

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Ten, Ten, Forty-five

When someone you love dies, life changes drastically. That might sound like a no-brainer, but honestly, I did not fully understand it til I lived it.

Today would have been my grandmother’s birthday. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you would know that she lost her battle with cancer about seven months ago. Though she lived what some would consider a long life, it was a heartbreaking goodbye.

How do I honor her life today now that she isn’t here to receive it? This day has never been nor will it ever be just October 10th.

Today is my grandma’s birthday.

I could go on and on about how sad and unfair this day feels but that would only make me angry. I always say that writing cleanses the soul and that is forever my goal. I will not allow death to take away what I know in my heart to be true- my grandma is in a better place and she is no longer suffering the way she was here on this earth.

How I wish I could sit with her and hear her thank God for blessing her with another year. She was a woman of faith and gratitude. She always kept her eyes towards the hills. She was pure gold and I miss her vitality.

This post is for you my angel.

Happy Birthday.

 

 

 

Inspo 

 It’s been 2 months since I’ve posted. Life and a severe case of writer’s block have hit me hard. Motherhood has been a challenge. With my son now walking and refusing to be anywhere else but the floor, my anxiety is on high. I don’t want him to get hurt but I remind myself that it’s all part of the process. Him falling is normal. My worried heart is normal. I’m a first time mom. I think that’s all I have to say to be understood. 

I can’t believe I have a one year old- or a 12 month old if you’re that kind of person. I don’t feel worthy of him. Any other moms feel that way? I look at him walking around, playing, smiling, being the innocent child that he is and it is all so bittersweet. How can I feel uninspired? How can I live unmotivated? 

So today I dedicate this post to my son. Actually, I dedicate this entire blog to you Renzo. You inspire me. You give me the words to say. You give me the motivation. You give me faith. You give me life. Thank you for constantly keeping me on my toes. I’m watching you grow and you’re helping me grow. I love you. 

Here’s to a great Monday and a great week. Keep your eyes on the people and the things that inspire you. 

Life is beautiful.

Today I knew I wanted to acknowledge the beauty of life. It is a gift. I look at my sleeping son and I can’t help but feel incredibly fortunate. No matter what goes on in my life, I have this amazing little human being that makes life worth living. When he smiles, my heart leaps. The beauty of life takes its form in my son. Maybe you can’t relate to that but you have your own reasons. Embrace them and don’t ever let anyone or anything keep you from feeling absolutely blessed.

 

My Angel

Today marks two weeks since my grandmother’s passing. Needless to say, it’s been a shitty time for my family and I. She was the glue that kept my family together so losing her was a complete life change for all of us. Positive energy has been far from me and today I just said “Fuck it” (though my grandmother wouldn’t approve) and opened my laptop to write.

I feel better already because writing truly is a form of therapy. If you find yourself stuck in your head and you feel so overwhelmed, please write. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. It doesn’t matter if it even makes sense. Just let out all the shit that is hurting you and affecting your quality of life.

I miss my grandma dearly. I know she would want nothing more than for me to be happy but lately it has been difficult. And it’s so easy to lose yourself in the wrong things/people when you don’t feel happy. So here I am trying to keep my head above the water.

As winter turns to spring and spring into summer, they show us that nothing lasts. The bitter cold will eventually be the scorching heat and so it goes with life. I know this season will not be forever. The memory of my beautiful grandmother will stay alive with me and my son but this gray cloud will pass. Happiness will be found. It has to be found.

The night before my grandmother’s burial I wrote her a letter because I felt there was so much I needed to say to her that I didn’t get the chance to. I hope she had the opportunity to read it and I hope she knows that I love her so very much.

R.I.P Ruth Maria Alago

Forever in my heart.