I don’t think the world is evil but I believe the people around the entire world need help and guidance. I have seen many vibrant colors in an evening sky. I have also seen death because of hatred.
I can go outside and feel the purity of nature but I can also step outside and greet darkness.
I feel so blessed to live on Earth
And yet damned by the swiftness of time.
How can I feel these thoughts all at once? I am happy and yet sadness quietly lingers. The world brings so much color and yet so much tragedy.
Some won’t understand it. Closed in their minds of culture and religion.
But the world- the universe is a gift.
The seas and the sand, the thunder, the cotton candy skies, the trees, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the raindrops on my window, the bright stars at night, the flow of the seasons… it’s all so very beautiful to me.
Life on earth and the ways of humanity are what trouble me. I don’t think the world is evil but I believe the people around the entire world need help and guidance.
It’s been 2 months since I’ve posted. Life and a severe case of writer’s block have hit me hard. Motherhood has been a challenge. With my son now walking and refusing to be anywhere else but the floor, my anxiety is on high. I don’t want him to get hurt but I remind myself that it’s all part of the process. Him falling is normal. My worried heart is normal. I’m a first time mom. I think that’s all I have to say to be understood.
I can’t believe I have a one year old- or a 12 month old if you’re that kind of person. I don’t feel worthy of him. Any other moms feel that way? I look at him walking around, playing, smiling, being the innocent child that he is and it is all so bittersweet. How can I feel uninspired? How can I live unmotivated?
So today I dedicate this post to my son. Actually, I dedicate this entire blog to you Renzo. You inspire me. You give me the words to say. You give me the motivation. You give me faith. You give me life. Thank you for constantly keeping me on my toes. I’m watching you grow and you’re helping me grow. I love you.
Here’s to a great Monday and a great week. Keep your eyes on the people and the things that inspire you.
Faith is a journey and sometimes it’s a difficult one but it is what remains when everything seems lost. Today I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful that God still speaks to me and shows great love towards me. What are you thankful for?
I found myself saying that I couldn’t wait for my son to grow up and last night I asked him to forgive me. As I held him in my arms and fed him his milk, I didn’t want to imagine the day he would be okay on his own. This little human shines a beautiful, bright light during the darkest of nights and I want to have that forever. I pray to somehow have that forever, even when he’s okay on his own. I truly am grateful to be a mom. I stepped into motherhood unprepared yet God handed me a gem. I feel undeserving of such a child but here I am, writing in deep gratitude for the one I’ve got.
I love you Renzo. You make me proud and you’re only 8 months old. I can’t wait to see everything you achieve in this life but I will pause right here, while I can and enjoy you as my little baby…
Being a mom is beautiful.
Whatever your day looks like, hope it’s a great one. xo
Today marks two weeks since my grandmother’s passing. Needless to say, it’s been a shitty time for my family and I. She was the glue that kept my family together so losing her was a complete life change for all of us. Positive energy has been far from me and today I just said “Fuck it” (though my grandmother wouldn’t approve) and opened my laptop to write.
I feel better already because writing truly is a form of therapy. If you find yourself stuck in your head and you feel so overwhelmed, please write. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. It doesn’t matter if it even makes sense. Just let out all the shit that is hurting you and affecting your quality of life.
I miss my grandma dearly. I know she would want nothing more than for me to be happy but lately it has been difficult. And it’s so easy to lose yourself in the wrong things/people when you don’t feel happy. So here I am trying to keep my head above the water.
As winter turns to spring and spring into summer, they show us that nothing lasts. The bitter cold will eventually be the scorching heat and so it goes with life. I know this season will not be forever. The memory of my beautiful grandmother will stay alive with me and my son but this gray cloud will pass. Happiness will be found. It has to be found.
The night before my grandmother’s burial I wrote her a letter because I felt there was so much I needed to say to her that I didn’t get the chance to. I hope she had the opportunity to read it and I hope she knows that I love her so very much.
R.I.P Ruth Maria Alago
Forever in my heart.
There are certain things in life that we just can’t control. Yes, human beings are actually pretty powerful but we aren’t THAT powerful. I’m not speaking of manifesting greatness with your mind or topics of that nature. I’m referring to the moments in life that are just plain shitty- however that may look for you.
If you had the ability to change those parts of life you would have but…. you could not. It was just out of your control.
Often times I find myself trying to contain everything in my life but it’s really hard to be happy when you don’t know how to let shit go.
It is what it is
Life goes on.
Surrender to what is.
Everything happens for a reason.
All those made up mantras and I still struggle to just live in the present and take each day as it comes.
It’s okay to not have control over everything. Make peace with yourself and all those experiences. All the good things in life that are meant for us will never pass us by.