Poets

“My strength is defined / not by what I continue to carry / but by what I have allowed myself / to put down.”- Trista Mateer

 

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Rambles

I’m looking forward to the summer. I need warmer weather in my life and a tan would be lovely.

I’m focused on better things today. I’m loving my reflection and I feel fortunate to be alive and well.

I’m learning about self-love in ways I was blind to as a young girl.

I’m cultivating thankfulness regardless of the motions.

I’m appreciating all things.

On one

We all have things we should improve on. Then there are those qualities about you that they aren’t meant to love because someone else is. I’m finally understanding the difference between the two. I was trying to love a man who could never love me. A man who wanted to improve on things that simply make me, me.

Worth

We cannot change people. Please stop breaking your own heart and wait for the person who will value you. Toxicity is not what you were created for.

Run on

My mind is everywhere… literally. I’m always thinking about something. I’m scatterbrained even as I chase around a curious toddler but every now and then (naptime) I decide to let the world into my head.

Today I’ve been thinking a lot about success. I’m still trying to figure out what it means to me without letting society’s definition make me feel like a terribly unproductive human being. In certain areas of my life I believe I am succeeding and then those thoughts (always the mind) recall the other areas of my life where I have yet to even taste it.

Life is tricky and I’m just trying to get a hold of this one opportunity.

What is success for you?

Life

It’s a beautiful Tuesday morning. Renzo and I slept just a little longer than usual and my coffee is made to perfection. I feel incredibly blessed and honestly, that doesn’t come as easily as you would think it should.

As I was making my coffee I decided it was time to unplug from social media once again. I realize that as much as I would like to build my following and get my writing out into the world, my discontent and social media go hand in hand way too often.

They say nothing is ever what it seems and in my twenty eight years of life I have found that to be extremely true. However, the internet makes that truth so easy to forget. If we’re not careful, we’ll find ourselves TOO focused on the lives of others and not living to OUR fullest potential. Social media can consume you to the point that you aren’t present for all God is doing for YOU.

I may not have what the next person has but I am provided for and I don’t ever want to disregard my blessings all because they don’t LOOK like that of someone else.

While trying to figure out how to end this post, Renzo handed me a book to read to him. I stepped away and tended to my mommy duties. What he doesn’t know is I bought that book for him while he was still growing in my belly. Here he is now, in all his toddler glory and that is a complete miracle- MY miracle.

This is MY life- journeying through motherhood, faith, and loss. It’s a tiring trek at times but it’s mine and I want to not only remain present but also grateful.

My heart behind this post is to simply remind you of your life in a world that will constantly steer you in a different direction.

Stay present.

Stay grateful.

It takes a village.

If you took a moment to read into my posts about my son, you could quickly decipher how protective I am of him. Before I even knew I was having a boy, I felt deeply compelled to guard my child by all means.

I was facing a lot of issues externally and internally during my pregnancy. I spent a lot of time alone, just my baby and I. Failure and shame followed me daily and I fought so hard to keep them from consuming me. If they ate me up, my child would reap the disaster they caused. I felt it was completely up to me to raise Renzo and so when he was born, my thoughts came to life too.

There’s a well known quote that says “It takes a village to raise a child.” and that quote bothered me beyond words. I didn’t want not one person trying to take credit for the work I would ultimately put in as a single mom. All the problems I had been dealing with were creating these mean, isolated, prideful thought patterns- keeping me from taking anyone’s advice.

It takes a village to raise a child.

It takes a village to raise a child.

It takes a village to raise a child.

It followed me everywhere. I heard it everywhere. I did not understand it and I didn’t want to because I thought it was going to take away from my role as a mother.

I would be lying if I told you I completely get it now. What I can say is that I am no longer running from it. The things I know, I can teach him. However, I don’t know everything and there are other people who he can AND should learn from. My fears will only hold Renzo back from all the growth that comes with new experiences.

There are so many ways to be a toxic parent if you’re not careful and I am learning that now.

REWIND 02

I believe life can change in an instant.

I believe anyone could wake up and choose to be different.

I believe someone can change if they truly want to.

I believe it’s a gift that we can let go of the person we despised being, to be the person we always prayed to be.

Don’t let anyone label you.

Become the person you want to be, regardless of what it takes to get there.

 

Life is beautiful.

Today I knew I wanted to acknowledge the beauty of life. It is a gift. I look at my sleeping son and I can’t help but feel incredibly fortunate. No matter what goes on in my life, I have this amazing little human being that makes life worth living. When he smiles, my heart leaps. The beauty of life takes its form in my son. Maybe you can’t relate to that but you have your own reasons. Embrace them and don’t ever let anyone or anything keep you from feeling absolutely blessed.