Poets

“My strength is defined / not by what I continue to carry / but by what I have allowed myself / to put down.”- Trista Mateer

 

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Rambles

I’m looking forward to the summer. I need warmer weather in my life and a tan would be lovely.

I’m focused on better things today. I’m loving my reflection and I feel fortunate to be alive and well.

I’m learning about self-love in ways I was blind to as a young girl.

I’m cultivating thankfulness regardless of the motions.

I’m appreciating all things.

Worth

We cannot change people. Please stop breaking your own heart and wait for the person who will value you. Toxicity is not what you were created for.

It takes a village.

If you took a moment to read into my posts about my son, you could quickly decipher how protective I am of him. Before I even knew I was having a boy, I felt deeply compelled to guard my child by all means.

I was facing a lot of issues externally and internally during my pregnancy. I spent a lot of time alone, just my baby and I. Failure and shame followed me daily and I fought so hard to keep them from consuming me. If they ate me up, my child would reap the disaster they caused. I felt it was completely up to me to raise Renzo and so when he was born, my thoughts came to life too.

There’s a well known quote that says “It takes a village to raise a child.” and that quote bothered me beyond words. I didn’t want not one person trying to take credit for the work I would ultimately put in as a single mom. All the problems I had been dealing with were creating these mean, isolated, prideful thought patterns- keeping me from taking anyone’s advice.

It takes a village to raise a child.

It takes a village to raise a child.

It takes a village to raise a child.

It followed me everywhere. I heard it everywhere. I did not understand it and I didn’t want to because I thought it was going to take away from my role as a mother.

I would be lying if I told you I completely get it now. What I can say is that I am no longer running from it. The things I know, I can teach him. However, I don’t know everything and there are other people who he can AND should learn from. My fears will only hold Renzo back from all the growth that comes with new experiences.

There are so many ways to be a toxic parent if you’re not careful and I am learning that now.