Cotton candy skies 

I don’t think the world is evil but I believe the people around the entire world need help and guidance. I have seen many vibrant colors in an evening sky. I have also seen death because of hatred. 

I can go outside and feel the purity of nature but I can also step outside and greet darkness. 

I feel so blessed to live on Earth 

And yet damned by the swiftness of time. 

How can I feel these thoughts all at once? I am happy and yet sadness quietly lingers. The world brings so much color and yet so much tragedy. 

Some won’t understand it. Closed in their minds of culture and religion. 

But the world- the universe is a gift.

 The seas and the sand, the thunder, the cotton candy skies, the trees, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the raindrops on my window, the bright stars at night, the flow of the seasons… it’s all so very beautiful to me. 

Life on earth and the ways of humanity are what trouble me. I don’t think the world is evil but I believe the people around the entire world need help and guidance. 

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Ten, Ten, Forty-five

When someone you love dies, life changes drastically. That might sound like a no-brainer, but honestly, I did not fully understand it til I lived it.

Today would have been my grandmother’s birthday. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you would know that she lost her battle with cancer about seven months ago. Though she lived what some would consider a long life, it was a heartbreaking goodbye.

How do I honor her life today now that she isn’t here to receive it? This day has never been nor will it ever be just October 10th.

Today is my grandma’s birthday.

I could go on and on about how sad and unfair this day feels but that would only make me angry. I always say that writing cleanses the soul and that is forever my goal. I will not allow death to take away what I know in my heart to be true- my grandma is in a better place and she is no longer suffering the way she was here on this earth.

How I wish I could sit with her and hear her thank God for blessing her with another year. She was a woman of faith and gratitude. She always kept her eyes towards the hills. She was pure gold and I miss her vitality.

This post is for you my angel.

Happy Birthday.

 

 

 

Inspo 

 It’s been 2 months since I’ve posted. Life and a severe case of writer’s block have hit me hard. Motherhood has been a challenge. With my son now walking and refusing to be anywhere else but the floor, my anxiety is on high. I don’t want him to get hurt but I remind myself that it’s all part of the process. Him falling is normal. My worried heart is normal. I’m a first time mom. I think that’s all I have to say to be understood. 

I can’t believe I have a one year old- or a 12 month old if you’re that kind of person. I don’t feel worthy of him. Any other moms feel that way? I look at him walking around, playing, smiling, being the innocent child that he is and it is all so bittersweet. How can I feel uninspired? How can I live unmotivated? 

So today I dedicate this post to my son. Actually, I dedicate this entire blog to you Renzo. You inspire me. You give me the words to say. You give me the motivation. You give me faith. You give me life. Thank you for constantly keeping me on my toes. I’m watching you grow and you’re helping me grow. I love you. 

Here’s to a great Monday and a great week. Keep your eyes on the people and the things that inspire you. 

It’s all good

There are certain things in life that we just can’t control. Yes, human beings are actually pretty powerful but we aren’t THAT powerful. I’m not speaking of manifesting greatness with your mind or topics of that nature. I’m referring to the moments in life that are just plain shitty- however that may look for you.

If you had the ability to change those parts of life you would have but…. you could not. It was just out of your control.

Often times I find myself trying to contain everything in my life but it’s really hard to be happy when you don’t know how to let shit go.

It is what it is 

Life goes on.

Shit happens.

Surrender to what is.

Everything happens for a reason.

All those made up mantras and I still struggle to just live in the present and take each day as it comes.

It’s okay to not have control over everything. Make peace with yourself and all those experiences. All the good things in life that are meant for us will never pass us by.

 

REWIND 01

We all have our own lives, our own journeys. I’m simply trying to embrace mine no matter what it looks like. Some of it I love and other parts hurt my heart so bad. All in all, I am thankful for God’s comfort during a time where it is extremely needed but very undeserved.

I am excited to soon welcome my baby into the world. I think about he or she every single day. The desire to protect your baby at all times begins pretty early. I don’t even have him or her in my arms and I’m always ready to be a safe haven for my baby.

No one is going to make my child feel unwanted. No one is going to treat him or her as if they don’t matter  in this life. My baby will know true love. My baby will know God. My baby will know happiness. My baby will know peace. My baby will know what it’s like to have a real family.

My child will know security and loyalty the very moment we make eye contact.

My child is the light in my life. I pray protection and a covering from the Lord every day. I need my child as much as he or she needs me.

My child keeps me aware of my journey. My child is already teaching me to embrace all that is mine for this time on Earth. I don’t own a thing- my heart knows that full well. But while I am here, I will embrace my life. I will love my journey. God has been good to me and I have to believe that greater things are coming, no matter how life looks right now.

Dated: Feb. 14, 2016